BLADE RUNNER Board Game (CPC, at least $150+)- Many years ago, I bought this game at a convention because I’m a huge BLADE RUNNER fan and the thought of a board game based on one of my favorite films seemed like a can’t-miss proposition. I plunked down $100 (in 1992 money) and broke the shrink, completely aware that it was one of about 100 copies made for a test market run in California. Wow, was I disappointed. The game was useless, and the only BLADE RUNNER imagery was the picture of Deckard at the VK terminal on the box. The board looked like an Apple IIe threw up on it. But still, I regret selling it on eBay a couple of years ago because it’s such an unusual, rare item. I’d love to have it back.
JATI (3M Games, anywhere from $500-$1000)- Way back in the ‘60s, 3M (yes, the sticky tape folks) used to make board games. And some pretty good ones at that. Apparently, JATI was not one of them but it’s impossibly rare- estimates are that only 100 copies were actually produced and many were supposedly destroyed. It looks like a terrible, generic abstract game but if you happen to see one while holiday shopping, think of me, won’t you? I promise you won’t see it on eBay for at least three months.
IMMORTALS OF CHANGE (Lakeside, $1 at some thrift store somewhere) - Sure, the airfare to some remote Goodwill in Nebraska will cost you, but the actual cost of this gift can’t be beat. IMMORTALS OF CHANGE was a science fiction version of CROSSBOWS AND CATAPULTS obviously geared to cash in on the transforming robot craze of the mid-80s. I bought a set some twenty odd years ago for $5 on clearance at a Zayre department store using a small pile of Christmas money I had received from relatives. You can help me relive that magical memory by tracking down this long-lost, little-known game and surprising me with it. Please check sets for completion- you may do well to find two and marry them into a complete set. And extra caroms are always appreciated.
FORTRESS AMERICA (Milton Bradley, $50 or so?)- Another great Christmas memory that you can help me recapture involves this most canonical of Ameritrash classics. A neighborhood friend’s mom enlisted me to go with her up to Richway to pick out presents for him so I greedily advised her to get FORTRESS AMERICA for little Craig. Secretly, I wanted the game for myself and I thought that I could likely trade him an NES game or two for it since he was weak-willed like that. Imagine my holiday surprise when on Christmas morning there was a copy of FORTRESS AMERICA under the tree for me. The game went through hell and there’s no telling where all the hovertanks wound up so I’d love to have a fresh copy to call my own. This is the kind of gift that means something, so if you’re a thoughtful giver this might be your choice.
PAINTING SERVICES (You, $???)- Here’s a good gift that you can give me if you’re low on cash this holiday season. I understand, and I don’t really expect you to get me anything but if you’d like, I’d really appreciate it if someone would be so kind as to paint the miniatures contained in the following games for me: DESCENT, TIDE OF IRON, STARCRAFT, WAR OF THE RING, and TWILIGHT IMPERIUM. I’m sick of my pal Richard Launius lording over me with his fully painted games, and I’m also sick of those cream-and-burgundy miniatures in DESCENT. Not very threatening.
But really, you don’t have to get me gaming gifts at all. I’d be completely satisfied with Tim Lucas’ extensive Mario Bava biography All the Colors of the Dark ($250) or an Iphone ($399-$599). I don’t like gift certificates, but hell, a $100 one for the ChocoLatte coffee shop around the corner from my house wouldn’t be coal in my stocking. Speaking of stockings, I like mine stuffed with things like a real Italian switchblade ($50-75) or a copy of METROID PRIME: CORRUPTION ($50). So there you have it: time’s-a-wasting- get shopping. I don’t want any of those day-after-Christmas, “sorry it’s late” presents.
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