At one point, Smith and DQ are reading a newspaper, previously used as a diaper. Feces fills the middle of the screen, in full-on scatological glory, so we have to look beyond it to read the text the characters are reading. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but it would have been so much more clever (and less painfully obvious) to have the feces slightly off center. But “subtle” is not a word in Davis’ script.

If you can sidestep the fetid stains, there are plenty of good moments to appease the adrenaline junkie. The action is inventive, including a scene where Smith shoots a carousel to spin it around, preventing Hertz from getting a clear shot at the baby.

In fact, this film is an exercise in seeing how many ways to fit a gun fight fit into a movie. (11, actually.) Then there’s the sex scene. Let’s just say that the producers would have had trouble finding an American actress as willing as Belucci.

I don’t know what kind of Satanic covenant Davis signed in order to secure the talents of Belucci, Giamatti, and Owen, but Lucifer brought light to the casting gods that week. Even though Shoot 'Em Up lacks character development, these pros know how to make the most of the material. Because of this, both Giamatti’s and Owen’s characters are entertaining and watchable.

But most importantly, the characters are thinking people. They work the problems and make logical conclusions. How many times in cinema history have characters stumbled into each other because it was convenient for the story? Here, Hertz never just turns up; he uses logic to locate Smith. And while Hertz predicts Smith’s next moves, Smith is deciphering the origins of the hunted infant.

And that’s what I disliked the most about this movie: it could have been so much better than it was. One may argue that some movies are meant to be enjoyed for the sake of dumb fun. But I argue that a movie that flaunts its lack of intelligence with attention-grabbing stunts is just as manipulative as a made-for-TV, disease-of-the-week tear-jerker.

The fact is, I am the audience for this movie. I adore action films, B-movies, Hong Kong chop-sockys. I like it when constraints of budget and logistics forces the writer, director, and crew to use their imaginations. Perhaps the $37 million price tag was just too much money for Davis and Co.

I have to come back to the fact that the movie is called Shoot ‘Em Up, a two-and-a-half word promise that the director delivers. Still, it didn’t work for me. Shoot 'Em Up is not a dumb movie that never had a chance to be smart. It’s a movie that had the chance to be smart but chose not to take it.