Alright, so I’ve spent the first two columns trying to get you guys into board games. Maybe some of you adventurous types even dared to locate your friendly local game store to try to track down some of the titles I’ve mentioned. Maybe you even saw a game or two there or on a website that interested you based on its theme, title, or someone’s recommendation. Thanks to the Internet, the days of purchasing blindly are fortunately long over for the novice gamer and that dreaded realization of “oh crap… I paid $50 for this?” is passing into memory.

I remember purchasing a game called CULTS ACROSS AMERICA a couple of years ago because it had an awesome H.P. Lovecraft theme and promised lots of exciting Mythos action and some hilarious Cthulhu humor. Imagine my surprise when I brought it home and my friends all hated it; not to mention the fact that this $50 game came with pretty much the shoddiest components this side of a paper napkin.

Therefore, I’d like to offer a little further guidance to the readers of this column who haven’t learned for themselves the warning signs of games that aren’t worth your time and money. Now granted, everyone likes something different and I may list something that goes on to become your favorite game of all time so please, by all means, regard this more as a “try before you buy” list. On with it, Barnes!

1) The WARCRAFT games (2003 – 2007; Fantasy Flight Games )

I know, I know. You’re really into the whole Blizzard thing and there’s not only a WARCRAFT board game but also a WORLD OF WARCRAFT one; both of which are elaborate Fantasy Flight Games productions so they’ve got to be good, right?

Wrong.

WARCRAFT was one the first “hybrid” games mixing Eurogame-style efficiency and simple rules with strong theme and it feels very half-baked and underdeveloped. It has that “almost” feeling that pretty much defines the mediocre game you’ll play once or twice before you get the eBay itch. Factor in the bonehead idea to make the in-game pieces these bizarre, shapeless wooden blobs instead of the high quality figures FFG is now known for and you’ve got the recipe together for gaming doldrums.

WARCRAFT might be mediocre, but WORLD OF WARCRAFT is an almost complete failure. I don’t think it captures the fundamental elements of its source material at all and the result is a sprawling game with almost no sense of narrative or story. Creatures and events pop up on a map and you move your character, teamed with other characters, around to clean up and earn points to upgrade with new weapons, spells, etc.

2) AGE OF MYTHOLOGY ( Eagle Games ), 2003)