It’s the end of the year, and as someone who writes for a gaming site, I’m constitutionally mandated to end the year with an awards list. Hey, I don’t write the rules, I just follow ‘em. Given that I tend to hate everything, my “Best of 2007” awards list would end up looking something like this:

This is hardly something I can build on for 800 words, so instead I’ve come up with a list that I think will fit the holiday spirit nicely. I give to you the “Stop Doing That” awards for trends in gaming that really need to stop. Note I didn’t say which holiday I’m getting into the spirit of. Yes, Festivus counts.

So without further ado, here are Mr. Binky’s “Stop Doing That” gaming trend awards for 2007.

Number 7: Stupid Gaming Executives

Ok, I love to hear people get into it with each other just as much as the next guy, but why must it be that any time an executive from Sony, Nintendo or Microsoft opens their mouth, they have to say something so colossally stupid about their competitors that you want to hit them with an octopus? Granted, some executives are worse than others, Sony I’m looking at you, but it doesn’t take too much Google searching to find some executive at all three companies who have popped off at the mouth at one time or another. Software companies aren’t much better and I swear, if I have to hear Denis Dyack or Mark Rein talk crap about each other’s company one more time I’m going to lock both of them in a room with angry, amorous badgers.

Number 6: DS Games that Emulate Manual Labor

When the DS first came out, there was a game where you could be a surgeon. Cool! Surgery is pretty intensive and it’s not like I can open up Grandpa to see how easy it is to remove a spleen. Then came the lawyer game. Um, ok. Also cool, but not as cool as carving up patients. Then came the cooking game. Wait, the what now? I cook every night as it is, why would I want to do that in a game? Apparently there’s also not one, but several farming games out for the DS as well. What’s next, Leafmaster: Rage of Leaves or Johnny Mopsalot and the Bathroom Sponge of Power? I don’t want to spend my gaming time cooking or tilling soil. If I want to do yard work I’ll go out in the yard. I play games so that I don’t have to engage in constructive activities. Next thing you’ll be telling me that there’s a game where I have to actually talk to my spouse.

Number 5: The Big Reveal

I’m not sure when it was written that every game had to turn into a M. Night Shyamalan film, but it needs to stop as most games strive to be The Sixth Sense but end up being Lady In the Water. Not every game needs a big twist. Hell, none of them do as it never ends up making a difference in the gameplay. Take BioShock for example. Before the big reveal, you’d walk into a room full of splicers, kill them and then find a Little Sister to get some Adam. After the big reveal you walk into a room full of splicers, kill them and then find a Little Sister to get some Adam, only now your overall enemy is different. Wow. Way to change my motivations. Hell, even Super Paper Mario ended up with a twist ending and when a Mario game tries to have a semblance of a story, you’ve got problems. Game writers of the world, this ain’t film and you ain’t Christopher Nolan, so give it up. Except for the guys who wrote Portal, you can do whatever you want whenever you want.