Now as a gamer falling into the “golden years” age percentile of the late 20s, I’ve got something of a penchant for games of yore that elicit a sense of nostalgia. To me, Fallout will always be a poor man’s Wasteland, and Ultima games peaked around the point of the stick man avatar. Regardless, whenever a remake or port of an older, classic title comes to market, I foolishly expect to be reliving a joyful, friendless, 8-bit childhood. My dreams are invariably dashed upon the shores of harsh reality for two simple reasons: a lot of those old games were kind of crappy, and kids think pretty much anything is great. But like some learning disabled ubermensch lemming, I’m too dense to learn from this, and too tough to let it kill off my rose-colored memories. So it is with some pleasure that I’ve discovered the GBA port of the NES classic, River City Ransom, which was creatively re-titled River City Ransom EX. Whatever else these foreboding letters might imply, this is basically a direct port of the original without much in the way of an upgrade. But if there’s anything that Nintendo’s retro push has proven, it’s that even a fifteen year old game can be repackaged as a portable title and sold for $29.99.

The primary difference fans of the original will note in the new version is how the ally system works. The two-player co-op mode has been removed (and is sorely missed), and the second character is now handled by the AI, should the player choose to have a fighting partner. Moreover, if one acquires enough “honor” and “reputation” in the game, enemy bosses or neutral students may offer to join you in your fight. The player can gain honor by defeating all enemies in the area or (somewhat oddly) being beaten up, and can lose honor by striking a fallen enemy or attacking a boss during their frequent speeches. There’s no hard statistic to track the rise and fall of one’s reputation, but a steady rise in the Foul Play rating on the player’s log screen is usually a good indication that one might want to consider alternative paths to victory. The earning and acquiring of allies is, however, in no way required to complete the game. It’s simply a small side perk with many unwritten rules and hinted regulations; hoop-jumping with an intangible purpose. But for those who enjoy a bit more in their ports of classic titles, this may be viewed as a good thing. Alternatively, this could be viewed as the rather loathsome but inevitable “pokemonization” of gaming in general.

The player is cast in the role of Alex or Ryan, two heart-of-gold street toughs out to keep the peace and rescue Ryan’s girlfriend Cyndi from the sinister clutches of the local grammatically-challenged head goon, Slick. This sinister figure has united all of River City’s numerous and oddly-themed gangs under one rule, and set out to rule the city with an iron fist. If you’re having flashbacks of Sol Yurick’s “The Warriors”, you’re not alone. Thus it is your imperative to kick, punch, and hurl through the air anyone who stands between you and River City High. Along the way you’ll be meeting a wide assortment of colorful characters spewing painful prose, spend time shopping at the strip mall for magazines or battle maneuvers, and girding your loins for battle with take-out sushi and spaghetti. An eventful journey if ever there was one.

Aside from the basic punch and kick each character starts with, a host of power-ups are made available, for a price, over the course of the game. Each enemy you defeat will drop some change to be scooped up, with bosses dropping greater increments than their deadbeat minions. Taking this money to the local pizzeria or bakery will allow your character to not only regain lost stamina (health) and willpower (the ability to resist power moves), but also upgrade the damage of your punches, kicks, weapons, etc. And if one pinches pennies and beats the living bejeebus out of enough goons, they can splurge a few hundred dollars to buy new techniques, such as rapid-fire attacks, throw moves, or the ability to hurl one’s self across the screen in a whirling ball of death.

Graphically, the game is all about the retro look, but the stylized pseudo-anime art became one of those eternal obscura that spilled over to influence other games, much like the cheesy but instantly recognizable theme music. While Nintendo’s recent push for repackaging 8-bit titles as some kind of hip throwback is one that may leave some gamers with a slightly unpleasant taste on the tongue, there’s no denying that the title was one of those classics that lived on far beyond its intended marketability. In this respect, a port to the GBA was a sort of inescapable eventuality, and the final result is one that’s as faithful to the original as one could hope. However, prospective buyers should be forewarned that the absence of the original’s co-op mode is a significant blow against the replay-ability of this title, and the relative shortness of the overall game. Still, good classic fun, and a decent booster shot to the old gamers who pine for the games of yesteryear.