I really wanted to fall for Tokyo Beat Down. I wanted to stand tall on my elitist high-horse and scream at the “casual” crowd in scorn, to criticize their Horsez and Imagine: Girly Stereotype games, and prove once again that the DS can be hardcore. If nothing else, I have a soft-spot for Cannon’s no holds barred approach to order and his absurdly heroic declarations, “I have a date… with justice!” He’s the selling point of the whole show, but charisma can only stretch so far.

It’s hard to tell whether Tokyo Beat Down is a nostalgic parody of a classic genre, or a hack-job beat-‘em-up with a satirical sheen of machismo to hide the blemishes. Either way, it doesn’t matter when the sloppy fighting mechanics and flavorless style would have been hard-pressed to glean a second quarter back in the arcade heydays.

Questions or comments? We'd love to hear from you .

Comment on our forums!