The Banning

Well, you were warned.

Getting temporarily banned in the States is good, but doesn’t have the oomph that a complete and total ban in a foreign country carries. Americans can’t stand to see other countries ban something made here in the good old U. S. of A., so getting “Pin Slayer” permanently taken off of the shelves elsewhere in the world is a surefire means to success. Our opening movie gambit with the ESRB won’t work as the rest of the world isn’t nearly as stuffy about Llama Loving as we are here in the States. What we need is something that doesn’t take a lot of work to do, and won’t result in the game being banned here in the States. The French are pretty picky about their language and hate to see any bastardization of their mother tongue, so simply tweak the menus so that you have Le Career Mode, Le Pro Shop, Le Quickplay Mode and Le Part in Le Game Where Le Ball Hits Le Pins and Goes all Le Blammy Blammy. You’ll have our French friends saying “sacre bleu!” in no time and be awarded with a nice juicy ban.

The Gameplay

Thankfully, nothing about the boring gameplay in Brunuswick Pro Bowling, er Pin Slayer, needs to change, however as in Manhunt 2, you might want to consider making every action sound as brutally violent as possible. Try replacing the sound of a strike with that of a water buffalo being run over by a zamboni. Also, try injecting profanity wherever possible. “Congrats, you got a f*&^ing strike!” works, as does “Your ball is in the gutter getting *&^%ed in the &^%$^& with a striped &^%&( and a piece of &^%$* pie!” is also a valid choice. Let your imagination run wild.

Now certainly none of these things are going to be easy, and they might make you feel somewhat dishonest as you try to portray your less than exciting bowling game as an unparalleled pin execution simulator, but hey, nothing in this world comes cheap and it’s not like you’ve got any better ideas. In no time you’ll be breaking sales records, being condemned globally as a purveyor of filth and be working on Pin Slayer 2: Wrath of the &^%^ing Pinsetter. Let’s see AMF Bowling Pinbusters! beat that.

Mr. Binky is our resident cranky old man, and when not on Xbox Live (GamerTag: Mister Binky) can be found on his own site, Disparate Elements telling visitors to get the heck off of his lawn.

Questions or comments for Mr. Binky? Send them along to gameshark.feedback@yahoo.com .