All that Zen composure quickly melted away as her trash talk got more and more accurate. I couldn’t believe this was happening – I played this game everyday for a month and now this chick that had never picked up a Wii-mote before was soundly kicking my ass.

“I don’t think my controller’s working right” I said, acutely aware that I had just uttered the lamest phrase in all of gaming. “Are you serious? I think you just suck” was her all-too-apt reply. We switched controllers. I did no better.

After “K” bored of kicking my butt, we threw in Super Smash Bros. Brawl and I took on another friend. “K” just sat back on the couch with a smug, winning smile and watched as we booted up the game. It was the first time any of us was to play the Wii version – I had hundreds of hours logged into the Gamecube version, mind you – so I felt confident. I chose Samus and a random arena, and proceeded to get my butt kicked yet again. Granted, it was because I kept losing track of my character and falling off the stage amid all the chaos, but still. I lost the first five fights.

“K” was clearly enjoying this immensely. I think she was ruining my Chi and making me mess up, but she swears to this day that Chi had nothing to do with it. Once I got my Smash rhythm back and started dominating the game, she quickly got bored.

I think I went through all five Kubler-Ross stages of grief on that fateful day. First, there was denial: “this can’t be happening, it’s just beginner’s luck.” Then, I moved on to anger: “what the ****!” Soon, I was on to bargaining: “Hey, let’s play another of those Jenga games that I’m good at.” After that went south, I became depressed: “I suck at videogames!” Finally, I reached acceptance and made peace with myself: “I suck at videogames.”

If nothing else, one of my goals was met – humiliating me at my own games certainly proved an addictive gateway drug. If nothing else, “K” and the other merry brawlers had a good time, even if the majority of the fun was in smashing my (virtual) nose into my face. Baby steps.

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