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Games From E3 We Promise* Will Not Suck
We promise* these games will rock your world!
Date: Friday, June 12, 2009
Author: The GameShark E3 Team

Dragon Age: Origins

The Bioware fetish with fantasy woman sex is getting old and the E3 demo was sort of...juvenile. (The dragon scene was cool) but until your sexual target turns into a lizardwoman and tries to eat you, I'd just as soon they stop the love triangles all together. That said, my hands on time with the Xbox 360 version has me wanting to play -- NOW. It's pure Bioware but this time more graphic more...grim. I'm basing a lot of this on Bioware's track record for being experts in this field in addition to my 25-30 minute play time. But it felt right, looked great, the voice acting was superb, and the combat free flowing and awesome.

Left 4 Dead 2

Argue all you want about paying full price, the fact that it's not DLC, wah wah wah. Plans change. You don't like it? Don't buy it. Your loss. It's more campaigns, new infected, new weapons, and -- more Left 4 Dead. I got SO much mileage out of the first game that I'm ready for another set. The mission we played was a laugh riot.

Brandon Cakcowski-Schnell, Staff Writer, Mickey Rourke Bodyguard's Plaything. E3 Newbie.

The Conduit

It looks fantastic and has controls that can be tweaked on the fly in every conceivable way you'd want to tweak shooter controls. The enemies look good, the action is fast paced, the weapons all look hot, motion control is limited to where it's useful and multiplayer is all sorts of fun. Will it be the greatest shooter ever created? Probably not. Will it suck? Definitely not. Will it be the most impressive Wii game so far? It just may be.

Darksiders

Two words: summonable pony. Yeah that's right. What would a horseman of the apocalypse be without a horse to summon? Nothing, that's what. Oh sure, like God of War you've got all of your usual hack and slash moves what with your big sword, your gauntlet, your pistol and your ability to pick stuff up and hurl it around, but does Kratos have a pony, a giant, black pony with burning hooves? Well, does he? I thought not. Ponies rock.

Left 4 Dead 2

I don't know how a zombie would have the presence of mind to don a hazmat suit but I don't care as I'll crack his skull open with a frying pan same as any other brainless, undead monstrosity. I will also shoot tanks with incendiary ammo so that they can pummel me with giant, burning fists. I'm tricky like that. Mostly though, I plan on buying this game to cheese off all of the whiners. Ok, so not mostly, but it certainly will make me feel better. Every time you piss off an internet crybaby a zombie gets their wings.

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