All kneel down before Lord Rich, the mightiest Lord who ever...

Oh! Sorry...after playing this game it kind of gets to you. You know, that whole power trip of being the "Man Upstairs". Well, it's kind of like that. Throw in a bit of King Arthur and the Crusades, and you got an interesting twist at a new type of Real Time Strategy.

Heaven & Hell is certainly unique. I'm used to playing RTS games where you have to build up an army of immense proportions, hash it out with your opponent, and conquer their lands, factories, and forces to become victorious. Most RTS games will involve gunfire, BIG explosions, and blood. If not that, then just some good ol' fashioned slugfests!

When CDV, Eigelb and Madcat (no, not the controller company) got together to make Heaven & Hell, I'm pretty sure someone at the far end of the table suggested to make it as non-traditional as possible. Now, when you think of the names Heaven and Hell, and combine that with an RTS strategy, some people would probably think of lush green landscapes, pristine looking people and a happy, joyous community with legions of angels ready to beat down the lords of the underworld. That's the Heaven side. In Hell, you probably got burlesques, saloons, biker-riding hellions, and thousands of demons who will smash down the pearly gates on your command. All of this in glorious real-time...right?

Well, that's one lesson you gotta learn in this life: don't expect anything to turn out the way you think it is. Your expectations could get shot down. Take me for example: I was halfway expecting a carnage-filled bloodbath to be at my disposal as I controlled my legions of soldiers from Heaven, or Hell, into the biggest battle in the cosmos.

Then, I started playing it. At first, the tutorial gives you a slap in the face and tells you that your expectations have now been slaughtered. The interface isn't what you'd expect at all: crisp graphics, easy to navigate buttons, and most of the commands you can access via your keyboard. The graphics are quite um, shall we say, risqu? when it comes playing the Hell side. Remember those burlesques and Saloons I mentioned earlier? Try that, on top of a shooting gallery, prostitutes, and some ungodly looking fellows with spikes coming out of who-knows-where. On Heaven, it's...well, Heaven. Lush grassy plains, sparkling clean buildings, happy and smiling people, some of them will actually dress up like hippies and Elvis impersonators singing "You're The Devil In Disguise". Whatever allegiance you choose, it'll be perfect for you.

The tutorial simply gives you an idea of what the game is and what kind of objectives you will have. There really is one overall objective, and that is to convert most, if not all of the people on the map into believing in you (You are God, by the way. Or, the Devil...or...whatever). This task is accomplished at the hands of your prophets, the main one called the Baptisbon (most of what I'm referring to is all on the Heaven side. These tactics and people you control are very similar on the Hell side, they just might have different names and different tactics). His job is to make people believe, and he will use anything from Sermons, to creating rainbows, or summoning the divine angel, to get people to believe in you. In other words, he gets the people to love you.

The other prophets (on the Heaven side at least) will include the Camelbon, who creates paths between colonies and will offer gifts to nomadic people as a sign of you being so cool. The Beat-up o'bon is your warrior, and he will recruit soldiers to ward off any opposing prophets or minions of Hell. There are a few other prophets I could mention, whose tasks can range from tricking the enemy, to building towers that lure your enemy into them and helping your opponent see the other path, even spies who can sneak in to opponents colonies and change their loyalty to yours. All of these prophets will become available to you as the game progresses.

So the idea of blood and carnage and explosions and overall sheer violence went right out the window. I at least had to give the game a chance. I mean, the power to control underlings and have them believe in me...who wouldn't pass that up?!

Honestly, I was a bit surprised at how quickly I became hooked on it. The more I played, the more I got into taking over towns with sermons and performing miracles to entice followers...and I can't stand religion to save my life!!! But folks, not to worry. If you're afraid of this game offending your current religious morals, or if you can't touch religion with a 10-foot pole, have no fear. Heaven and Hell is simply based on two of the most simplest morals: good and bad. Either you make people good, or you make people bad. There is no religion implied, nor are there going to be any surprise sermons from Reverend Billy Graham that pop up in the middle of gameplay telling you that you are condemned to eternal damnation...this game just lets you try to make a handful of people good people, and live good lives, or make them bad and have them spend all their hard-earned money that they probably got from robbing a bank at the burlesque.

Ok, I will have to admit, there is a slight bit o' violence in this. Remember when I mentioned warriors? Well, these friendly brothers will defend your followers from the onslaught of your opposing side. The violence is very mild, matter of fact you can't see anything! All it shows your guy and the enemy walking towards each other, a plume of smoke rises with weapons and arms and legs protruding...couple of seconds later, the smoke is gone and...well, the result depends. The only other related act of violence could be when you summon a lightning bolt to strike down on someone, or if you cause an earthquake. Bottom line, it's not a big deal!