Recommended music while reading: Motorhead, Manowar, and any metal band that deals with Vikings.

There was a time when hero-status wasn’t doled out for paltry acts of kindness, donating to charity, or because Oprah loved your memoir. Heroes had to be tough, willing to lay it all on the line, and capable of plowing through gunpowder onslaughts - extra points for taking one to the arm. Chicks dig that kind of thing.

As part of Capcom’s lineup of retro-revivals for XBLA, Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3 won’t change the way we play shooters, nor was it meant to. This is arcade action from the old-school, when reloading was for sissies and guns ran on testosterone ejections. The champions of Commando were cut loose to bring down an evil dictator, but that’s all you need to know. Just blow it all to hell and let the suits sort it out. Fretting the details when you have terrorists to kill is downright un-patriotic.

Just who are these courageous defenders of freedom known as The Jackals? I give you Wolf, the barrel-chested all-American with the jaw line of a star quarterback. Unlike that crunked out Crank Dat chum, Wolf is a real soldier-boy. Then there’s Coyote, the mullet wearing aviator-sporting wild man. His hobbies include rehashing Nam, rocking out to the Nuge, and waxing his Trans Am. Balancing out this muscle-fest is the mysterious Fox. What she lacks in brawn, she makes up with speed and one hot trigger, whatever that means.

Proving once again that good old-fashioned firepower can’t be replaced by body armor and tactical H.U.D.s, Commando is a gimmick-free, top-down shooter. That means no cover-fire, radar, or regenerating health nonsense. The Jackals aren’t the quickest on their feet, but careful maneuvering and a fast trigger are the only things standing between you and 360 degrees of endless henchman. You can carry one of four weapons at a time, and although I wish there was a holster for a spare, a good soldier gets the job done regardless of the circumstances. The rest of you can get your baby-powdered bottoms wet with a little boot camp.