Review by: Tom Chick

I really don't want to be here right now, writing the text underneath a D grade. This isn't what I expected. It isn't what I wanted. It's the opposite of what I hoped for. Traditionally, the Dynasty Warriors games have been whipping boys for videogame reviewers who don't "get" them, who don't like the formula, who don't understand the history, or who know just enough to understand that Dynasty Warriors VIII is a lot like Dynasty Warriors VII, but for some reason should be judged more harshly than any given Madden being a lot like its previous Madden. I've sampled enough Dynasty Warriors in my time to steer clear of being one such reviewer. Yet here I am, slapping a cruel D onto Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3.

It’s not that I don’t “get” these games. I do. The series is traditionally hack-and-slash grindfests in which heroes drawn from Chinese history literally wade through mobs of trash mobs, cutting them down by the hundreds, swaying the tide of the battle, and leveling up in the process. You'll be doing the same attack moves over and over to nudge stats up every so slightly. Never have so many died to do so little for so few. If the gameplay isn't an obstacle, there's always the subject matter. Many of us Westerners who don't know their Lu Bu from their Cao Cao are going to be a bit lost.

But once you remove the cultural divide, I don't mind the grind. What Diablo player wouldn't appreciate mowing down five hundred guys with the same aplomb with which he'd mow the grass? The Ninety-Nine Nights games, for instance, do this in a generic fantasy setting and they're grand grind games. Well, until they come to a screeching halt with some horrible boss fight.

So I came to Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3 for the robots that replace the Chinese history. A "just add robots" approach should work wonders for an occidental tourist like me. Who doesn't want to level up and customize a robot? Who doesn't want to plow an anime-styled mech through thousands of disposable enemies? And who cares about the Gundam storyline, unfurled ponderously one line of dialogue at a time? After all, it's not like people throw their money at Transformers movies for their stories. And what else is a giant robot enthusiast going to do? Wait until someone makes another MechWarrior game?

But Gundam 3 does almost nothing to make its robots matter. Sure, they look great. The new cel-shaded graphics work wonders to evoke actual anime, and there's some nice visual styling for the different robots. They look so very manga cutting through all those meaningless bad guys. But when it comes to playing the game, one robot is mostly as good as any other. Combo moves vary in minor ways, and you can choose different partners for assists. But it all comes down to a handful of stats and graphical flourishes. Ultimately, one robot is as good as any other once you grind enough. It all comes down to what color of special effect you want when you use a super move, or whether you prefer to kill trash mobs from the left or from the right, or whether you like your spell effects to look like laser fire or lightning storms.

With so many robots so much like each other in terms of gameplay, Gundam 3 collapses into a sort of Pokémon approach. You collect and upgrade robots for the sake of collecting and upgrading them. Gameplay incentive? Pshaw. You're presumably here because you care about the Gundam license. This is the kind of roster where you have to care about the fact that the RX-78GP01-Fb Gundam Full Vernian Zephyranthes has a melee value of 78 and the MS-06S Zaku II Commander Type has a melee value of 89. Suddenly I feel a little foolish for every feeling overwhelmed by the difference between Lu Bu and Cao Cao.