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Duke Nukem Forever Preview
We go hands on with Duke at PAX
Date: Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Author: Toni Schwartz

The rest of the trailer features Duke killing pig cops and aliens, more topless dancing, explosions, and some lesbian twins making out. Yup, that's the game in a nutshell for ya. Only a demo for Duke Nukem Forever would begin with the protagonist peeing at a urinal. Naturally, you can control just how long he pees by squeezing the right trigger. Once that's done, it's time to get to business. I was in the locker room of a football stadium, and aliens had invaded. There are dead military dudes everywhere.

On the whiteboard, some surviving soldiers mapped our their strategy, titled “OPERATION COCK BLOCK”, featuring a drawing of a large, cyclopic alien. You could actually draw more on the board but I just drew random lines.

Chaos continued, and more soldiers died along the way as I made my way up and out the locker room, picking up some enormous twin guns near the exit. When I reached the football field, the alien from the whiteboard drawing was waiting for me. Since it's the first level, it was pretty easy. I pumped all 69 bullets (har har get it?) into the alien and reloaded by picking up the ammo my army buddies were airdropping around the field. Once the alien's health was depleted, I ran up to its hulking, fallen body and followed the prompt to rip out its eyeball. The final step is a very satisfying field goal in which I was prompted to punt the tiny, gelatinous mass down the field.

Suddenly the Duke Nukem Forever logo popped up and I found that Duke was actually in his super-pimptastic bathroom, playing the game all along – using a customized Xbox 360 controller with buttons that spell out D, U, K, E. A boobalicious blonde dressed in a schoolgirl uniform popped up from around Duke's waist level, immediately followed by her similarly dressed twin. As the second girl wiped her mouth, the first one squeaked, "What about the game, was it any good?"

"Yeah, but after 12 fucking years it should be," Duke gruffly replied.

This is classic Duke Nukem. It unabashedly remains enmeshed in its 1980s un-PC, crass hyper-masculinity. You've got the urinal, the stogie and sunglasses, the hot twins performing oral sex on him at the same time, the really big guns, and of course, the alien ass kicking.

Although it was an unbelievable moment to play the demo, it's only natural to still feel a bit skeptical. Indeed, some doubting Thomases I talked to at PAX remarked that they'll only believe it once they see the actual game sitting on store shelves. Yes the game is slated for a release date of 2011, but we've heard this tune before. After all, Gearbox hasn't mentioned when in 2011, not even something as vague as saying fall, or winter. Pitchford explained that the game still needs some polishing. Let's hope that it doesn't take them 12 years to do so.

Toni Schwartz is a regular contributor to GameShark and an Associate Editor at Gamertell .

Questions or comments? We'd love to hear from you .

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