Cooperative play is typically the redeemer of most mediocre messes. Not so with Onechanbara. In the single player campaign, the clunky camera limits your ability to see directly in front of you because it has an extremely difficult time keeping up with the fast action. In the split-screen co-op mode, your view is severely limited, and your success is determined by the amount of blood spraying on the screen. Despite the limited view, Onechanbara remains an incredibly easy game. The naturally brain-dead enemies from the solo campaign will barely make it out of their cozy underground beds before you can lop off their limbs, and it becomes increasingly dull as you progress. It becomes an immensely frustrating experience when you’re thrown from stages you could complete while taking a nap to the agitating vehicle segments. Dashing through the city on a motorcycle while slashing demon-dogs should have been the greatest gaming experience of my life, but constant retries due to sudden deaths made me want to ride a bike in to a brick wall.

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is stupid fun designed exclusively for the shallow gamer that’s willing to suffer unbearably bad gameplay to see a low-res breast jiggle like JELL-O. It’s almost painful to play, but the combat has enough to it to keep otaku entertained while they ogle a cowgirl and her 12-year-old sister. Slicing up scores of the undead horde is satisfying, and my inner sadist was laughing maniacally as I dismembered 15 zombies in just a couple seconds – and then bust in to hysteria the first time I was kicked by a walking pair of legs without a torso.

Onechanbara knows it’s goofy and stupid. It’s just too bad it doesn’t realize that it’s a terrible game. Vehicle segments and co-op are infuriating to the point of ruining a dumb-fun experience, and unless you’re in it for the ironically named Dress Up mode, Onechanbara offers nothing but insipid linearity.

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