Review by: Mitch Dyer

A developer can ace a retro remake and get two types of responses. Ideally, the update will appeal to the nostalgic as well as newcomers, garnering gratitude and adoration all around; Bionic Commando: Rearmed had this effect. On the other end of the spectrum, an excellent redux can spotlight the flaws of the once-beloved beauty, and identify the recent evolutions of the genre; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time for XBLA exemplified the stagnation of the beat-‘em-up. Perfect Dark falls mostly within the latter category. It’s a top-notch remake of the much loved Nintendo 64 first-person shooter, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good game.

If you’ve gone back and played GoldenEye recently, it’s a bit of a reality check. It’s been more than a decade since the Bond-based multiplayer FPS dominated dorm rooms. Everyone loved GoldenEye. Everyone. In 2010 (even 2008, when I last played it) it doesn’t hold up. In fact, in hindsight, it’s so terrible that it will probably ruin whatever nostalgia you had for it. Why did we love this game again? Perfect Dark, which original developer Rare designed as a spiritual successor to GoldenEye, received similar praise that’s since developed into cult-like worship. I ask once again: Why did we love this game?

If you’re a purist who can see no wrong in Perfect Dark, you’ll have no problems with the atrocious voice acting, awful objective instructions, identical-looking and confusing hallways, and awkward aiming. If these problems aren’t problems for you, rock on. You’ll have a hell of a time playing Perfect Dark again. For the rest of us, who’ve since acclimated to the improvements of the genre, this game is a bit of a mess. During the campaign, I repeatedly lost track of my co-op partner, was lost in a maze of identical textures and struggled to cope with an overly aggressive auto-aim.

On the multiplayer side of things, those issues strike numerous people at a time – where am I, how do I find my enemies, why can’t I hit anything? You know, provided you can find a match. I experienced enough matchmaking issues that the game’s best feature, its nostalgia-trip competition, made it tough for me to land in a match. When I did, it was barely half-full. A game with a full eight players? Forget it. Chucking throwing knives into the president’s eye and rocking double assault-rifles is the best part of the game, naturally, and in spite of the grating issues I liked the multiplayer well enough.

Despite it being a killer remake, Perfect Dark itself is past its prime. I’m glad that my biggest sticking point, the awful controls, have been addressed – you can swap to a straight-up Halo or Call of Duty control scheme. It’s a small gesture, though, and in the grand scheme of things it’s a minor solution to a bigger problem. Please, leave your memories of Perfect Dark intact and in the past.