I am a self-admitted equipment junky, which is the one area that the game stands firm. It has enough pistols, sub-machineguns, and assault rifles to fill a weapon smuggler’s convoy, but the necessity of a diverse arsenal is only as important as the effectiveness of the henchman, and I can’t say much for the cast of rent-a-thugs. They come in droves, flanking on all sides, getting into tactical formation, and then, nothing. Adaptability is one thing that the A.I. never exhibits. Enemies run to scripted positions and poke their heads out with such clockwork precision that any sense of danger or challenge is completely null and void—and, when you see the glowing tanks of flammable gas that litter the ground like plastic cups at a football stadium, just shoot them. They are bound to blow someone up.

For much of the game, pulling out my gun seemed like a waste of time. I took the Forrest Gump approach and sprinted through half of the game while ignoring the snakebites of bullets and performing takedowns along the way. Like the knife of Call of Duty 4, takedowns provide a quick means to an end, albeit with a dash of slow-motion martial arts. At least in COD4 you had to aim at your opponent for a successful attack. In Quantum you can literally run into a room with five heavily-armed terrorists, clear it out with a string of takedowns, and continue sprinting merrily to the end of the level and on to another wholly confusing mess of diagrams disguised as a plot.

The only conceivable sense of challenge and accomplishment in Quantum of Solace, besides the notion of easy Achievement Points, comes from the online-only multiplayer matches. It has 12 decently designed maps and customizable loadouts, but is anyone going to bother with Gears of War 2 on the market? If you really want the Bond experience, do yourself a favor and spend your dollars on a copy of Casino Royale, a ticket for the Quantum of Solace film, and a tasty bucket of popcorn. I guarantee that there will be far more pleasure in that tub of buttery goodness than a night with this hodge-podge of mediocrity.

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